Those weren't roman candles...

It was food poisoning. Probably from the vanilla frosting we left out on the counter for two days, I guess you're supposed to refrigerate it. So I was up all night puking my guts out. Damn dry heaves are the worst. And the next day wasn't much better. I actually went along with the family on a 5-mile hike. I almost died.

Today -- Christmas -- was much better. Got Napoleon Dynamite from Jack, which is sweet! And some other stuff, too. "A History of the American People," by Paul Johnson. Looks really good.

I don't know why I can't read book sanymore. I think I usaed to be able to just sit down and read. Now it's like I get bored or something. Like I feel compelled to do something else, like watch t.v. or eat or.... something. I don;t know. Maybe it's like with video games. I'd always play the entire game through, ven stopping to build up my stats and collect all the secret characters or plot holes and whatnot. BUt then, every time I reached the final dungeon, I'd just stop. Would never finish. Every RPG. I don;t know whether I just didn't want the game to end, or if I just got bored or what. But I wouldn;t finish.

I think I'm like that in more ways than one. Like my Analytical Reporting class. I just never finished. Or my whole TM thing in South Carolina. I never turned in those papers. Didn't finish. I don't know what I'm talking about. Forget it.

Watched Magnolia the other day. It really made me want to do more films. I loved the intro, when the flower bloomed alon with the music, and we saw the lives of all the characters while the song was playing. And then later, when all the characters one by one started singing along to the song. That was cool. I don't know why I don't want to finish the New Year's Eve video. It's not even a question of finishing, either, I just dont want to start. Like I know its not going to be good or somerting.

Man, this is easy. There's no one to talk back.

I might seriously try this puzzle thing. I started making these Cryptic Crosswords. They're really fun, although the coolest thing is watching the padres actually do them. I feel like such a nerd though making them. It would be cool to get published in the New Yorker though.

Flying back to The Woodlands tomorrow. Be there til the 3rd, then I fly back to Chicago. It might be a while before I'm back in Texas again. When will I see Michele? What should I say to her this week? I don't know. Probably nothing.

Merry Christmas to all..... ha

First impressions

It is midnight on the night before Christmas. So really there's another day before Christmas, but it sounded cool to say that.

I don't know why I'm posting this. It seems like a waste of time, but I've always said I MUST remember things and I must write things down before I forget them and they are lost forever. So here I am.

It's midnight and my stomach feels like somebody lit a roman candle inside of me. It's about 7 degrees outside, and I'm in ARIZONA! I had no idea. Flagstaff is cool though. Good place to live.

So I think I'm still in love with Michele Baisley. Love, shit. I can;t say I love Katie Sands because I didn't want to throw that word around. Now here I am saying it to the world. But I think I love Michele and I'm pretty sure she doesn't love me. Now why can't I write about things without writing about MIchele. I started writing things down when I was in Anderson, S.C., and all I could think about was Michele. And I've seen this girl maybe 20 days since 2003. She has no idea.

Anyway, I'll leave Michele for a little later. I'm sure whoever reads this shit will hear all about her. In other news, my grandmother is dying. And I have not been a good grandson. BUt that;'s okay. I went to visit her in the hospital on my last day in Chicago. I brought Katie because I thought it would be nice. We saw Nanny, who looked awful but sounded so cheery. It was good to see her even in such a bad state. I hope she lives much longer.

I couldn't believe she was so eager to die. Apparently she had her attack, or whatever it was, and called an ambulance. While it was on its way, she found time to call the front desk of her building to cancel all her magazine subscriptions and her oxygen tanks. As if she were never coming back. Dad says -- and I believe -- that she wants what most old people want, which is to go on our own terms. Nanny felt at peace with the world, or at least at peace with her own mortality, and deicded it was time for her to die. Well, she didn't. And now that Mom went to visit her and they kicked her out of the hospital, Nanny is back in her old apartment. They had to re-subscribe all her magazines.

Anyway, I really don't knw why I asked KAtie to come see my grandmother with me. They had only met once -- this summer -- but I felt they had a special connection, being sorority sisters and all. PLus I didn't know if she was aware Katie and I had broken up. I didn't feel like getting back together with Katie then, although it sure would have been a dramatic scene. Maybe some Aimee Mann song would have played in the background. But anyway we held hands and talked and laughed and I probably cried. It was very emotional and overall I'm glad I invited her.

Now my knee is still fucked up. I really think I'm a hypochondriac. But that's the sort of thing where if you think you are, then your'e not. Like, I don't know, something. Seriously, though. My knee hurts like hell sometimes and then it feels fine for a week. I'm glad Susan Goyachevski came over and gave me a p.t. routine to do. My knee has got to be better for me to play. And I've got to start running and playing and lifting. All that shit that I probably won;t ever do. What an ass.

I am so sick of people asking me, "What next?" I don't fucking know, so fuck off. Is what I should say. But instead I tell them I'm working for National Geogrpahic. I should have a movie made about me. I met with the guy from the Arizona Daily Sun today. Very productive. Working here would be sweet. Hopefully they'll pay me.

Well that's all for me right now. Who knows if I'll ever post here again. I just wanted to write some things down that have been on my mind. This really is a good way to do just that, and you can be as private or as public about it as you want.

Well whatever.